Monday, June 20, 2011

Not Another Apocalyptic Alien Movie

… Oh wait, it is. 

Knowing delivered to us, in a tidy Nicolas Cage package, all the traditional aspects of an apocalyptic movie. IMbD rated this movie 6.4/10. We, however, would like to give it a -6.3/10. Where does this put it on our scale? Good question. 

The plot line is, upsettingly, not specifically revolved around Nicolas Cage. It starts off with the creepy image of a young girl with straight black hair staring at the sun. We were concerned about the health of her retinas after this, but decided to let it slide. The next scene incorporated two things that We (or more specifically, Megan) hate: a child, and numbers. The same young girl is furiously scribbling digits to put into a time capsule. She becomes upset when the teacher cuts her short, and is found later with bloody fingers, scratching numbers into the door. This becomes relevant, as we all knew it would.

ENTER NICOLAS CAGE! The plot continues with the following things: Nicolas Cage at MIT, Nicolas Cage very concerned about his son doing his homework, Nicolas Cage dissecting numbers on a whiteboard, Nicolas Cage predicting the future, Nicolas Cage drinking copious amounts of alcohol, Nicolas Cage assaulting a tree with a baseball bat. As we watched, we figured that this movie would continue in a typical apocalyptic fashion. What we didn't see coming—spoiler alert!— were the aliens. The waxy faced creeps who kept whispering into Nicolas Cage's son's ear turn out to be aliens who plan on taking said son and said son's friend off to a new land to repopulate the earth, with bunnies (?). Biblical enthusiasts will easily make allusion to Adam and Eve. In fact, now that we think about it, it seems like something Harold Camping would stand behind. Make sure to watch for the epic moment when Nicolas Cage falls to his knees in anguish— it won't disappoint.

We have problems with this movie: Nicolas Cage's receding hairline, Nicolas Cage's monotone voice, and Nicolas Cage's never-changing facial expression ("When he tried to act surprised, I just dun believe it."—Lexie). Besides Nicolas Cage, we have aesthetic problems. For instance, the aliens' hair. We like to compare it to Guy Fieri or Dog the Bounty Hunter or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Jay Manuel: a strange blonde/white mixture. We don't think that Joan Rivers would approve of this fashion faux-pas. We also dislike the rude gas station attendant. Our biggest and most fundamental problem with this film, however, is the example of very bad parenting. The climactic scene shows Nicolas Cage, tears brimming at his eyes, urging his son to go and find a better life. When we say that he urges his son to go find a better life, we mean he urges him to go with aliens (?!?!), ascending into a spikey spaceship. "Go be with the creepy aliens who have been whispering into your head for the whole movie."—Nicolas Cage to his son.  It may not be a direct quote, but it is essentially what he said. We would like Child Services to come onto the scene at this point— it would have been more real

In closing, we recommend that everyone go out and find a shiny black pebble. Why? We're not sure, but it seems like it was important. Would have been nice to be let in on that secret. 

This is LexiConErrick signing out until our next cinemazing adventure.

Our second favorite scene:


  1. hahaha it sounds like SUCH a great movie! I'm glad I haven't seen it yet lol. Thanks ladies I can't wait for the next installment!

  2. Haha it really was a crap movie but Nicolas Cage can do no wrong in my eyes...

  3. Hazel, you are crazy! He is an absolute train-wreck hahahahahaha

  4. LexiConErrick: Haha you love him really :P

  5. I really love this review. Especially the part about Nicholas Cage's lack of expression ahha!

  6. God I hated this film! Awful to the point of being comical lol. Great blog!